I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve tried to write about love and ended up not publishing it. This time, I won’t get carried away and will express my opinions clearly. So if you’re reading this now, it means I succeeded in completing the task, and the following paragraphs will provide you with my perspective on what love means to me.
A few days ago, I was searching for a topic to write about, when an acquaintance suggested that I explore how the meaning and idea of love have evolved for me over time. That’s when I decided to give it another try and write about it.
To start, I’d like to explain what I initially thought love was, and how my perception of it has changed over time.
Mistaking Attraction for Love
In the beginning, as I started engaging with people on a romantic level, I believed that love was solely the attraction I experienced towards them. To put it plainly, anyone who seemed appealing to me would lead me to believe that I loved them. Every friend I held dear, I convinced myself that I loved. However, I also find various objects attractive—does that imply I’m in love with them? Clearly not, right? I say this with great confidence now, yet back then, I foolishly believed that what I felt was love.
Over time, through observation and thoughtful reflection upon various experiences, I’ve come to understand that genuine attraction doesn’t necessarily equate to love. It’s merely appreciating something that pleases your senses, primarily your sight. You don’t truly love the person; you’re drawn to their appearance. The moment their external qualities change, the attraction can easily fade away. But love shouldn’t vanish; thus, infatuation certainly isn’t love.
Confusing Attachment with Love
A lot of people, much like myself, mistakenly interchange love with attachment. They believe that if they’re attached to someone, they’re in love. However, if we take a closer look at the term, what does attachment truly signify? Whom or what do we become attached to? We form attachments with individuals or objects that bring us joy or enhance our self-perception.
Let’s consider this scenario: I’m attached to a person, and I’m aware that this individual isn’t attached to me, or they’re attached to someone else. Will an attached person be genuinely concerned about the happiness of the other person? In most cases, they won’t be. This is because they’re content with the attachment, and whether their partner shares the same sentiments becomes less relevant.
The most significant downside of attachment that I’ve come to realize is that it creates difficulty in letting go. Once you’ve developed an attachment, the act of releasing becomes challenging. It ceases to make logical sense to detach from someone whose presence brings you happiness. But is this a healthy approach? Can you genuinely claim to love someone who isn’t content with the relationship, yet you’re unwilling to release them? No, that’s not healthy. Thus, attachment isn’t love either.
Attachment is essentially maintaining a connection with something or someone for your personal happiness.
Present Perspective on Love
Now, let’s delve into my present perspective on what love entails. Perhaps, two or four years down the line, I might share different articles where my understanding of love has evolved or transformed. At this very moment, however, I perceive love as selflessness. It involves perceiving each other as an “us,” not as “you and me.” Being in love means desiring the best for that individual, whether it means being together or apart. Ultimately, what counts is their happiness and fulfillment. Allow me to clarify, I don’t mean to imply that loving someone should equate to abandoning your boundaries and sacrificing your well-being to ensure their happiness. That’s precisely why I emphasized earlier and reiterate now that you can express love either by standing by their side or by granting them space.
When you truly love someone, you don’t anticipate reciprocation. In my humble opinion, ‘genuine love is consistently one-sided,’ for when expectations of reciprocity arise, it transforms into a transactional arrangement. It loses its essence as love and becomes a strategy to elicit mutual gestures. Hence, I maintain that ‘Love is Selfless.’ This assertion is grounded in my personal experiences. During the time I was in love, I wasn’t concerned about whether the other person reciprocated my feelings. I found immense joy and contentment in witnessing their growth and happiness. Their well-being became an added source of happiness in my life. Even prior to them, I was content and happy on my own. Observing them flourish and being content added to that happiness.
However, when I noticed that the person was finding happiness outside of my presence, I chose to release them. I didn’t contemplate ‘what about me?’ Naturally, I didn’t relinquish my efforts initially; I attempted to mend the situation. But when they expressed their desire to explore and evolve independently, I stepped back. I understood that if my presence hindered their happiness, it was best to let go. I understand this might sound simplistic. Those of you who have experienced love, or believed you were in love, might be thinking, ‘How casually she says she chose to walk away.’ Indeed, taking that step isn’t easy. But when genuine love is involved, the pain of letting go becomes secondary to both parties’ betterment. Eventually, the ache subsides as you witness your past love finding joy in their life, even if it means being apart from you.
If you find yourself questioning, ‘What about me if I let go?’ I regret to say that your feelings likely weren’t grounded in love. Because when it boils down to it, if your own happiness (derived from being together) outweighs the happiness of the person you love (who isn’t content with you), it’s not genuine love.
Choosing to Let Go for Personal Well-Being
I understand that some of you might be perplexed, given my usual emphasis on self-love and personal growth. Today, it might seem like I’m contradicting my stance by suggesting that someone else’s happiness holds importance. However, as someone who consistently promotes self-improvement, I encourage you to reflect on the preceding paragraphs. Consider a scenario where the person you love doesn’t reciprocate your feelings and wishes to distance themselves from you. In such a situation, what’s the wiser course of action? Should you hold on or release your grip?
Frequently, we find ourselves enamored with individuals who don’t value our presence or recognize our significance in their lives. In such cases, you have the choice to let go while still maintaining love and concern for them from a distance. You can genuinely wish them the best in their future endeavors while simultaneously prioritizing your own well-being.
This, in essence, encapsulates my perspective on what love signifies to me. Feel free to let me know if you’d like me to delve into greater detail about navigating a situation where you’re in love with someone who has become toxic due to their past. While I’d love to expand further on this, I’m trying to adhere to the designated topics at hand.
I hope each of you is doing well and wearing your radiant smiles. Remember to stay safe and continue your journey of growth.
Xoxo
-eika ©
EIKA 